_/▀\_

it's officially been 4 years since 2003, since that horrible morning on December 10th, all I remember is the feeling of never wanting to feel like that and just disbelief, I remember when they came in the room as we were all laying around trying to get sleep, in the most uncomfortable ways possible, to say that he was off of life support I remember looking at the clock and it was exactly 11AM. if life could have just stopped, if I could have gone back a year and relived it to fix everything that was unknown, fix everything that went wrong.. none of this would have happened.
but, as much as I asked for that to happen, it never has and never will.
I don't think I'll ever be able to have an honest happy December, at the age of 12 and 15 days until Christmas, how are you supposed to enjoy the holidays after the passing of your father.. it's quite impossible, the worst thing is that it happened.. which makes me wonder, does everything honestly happen for a reason? or do things just happen as life goes on?

December is by far one of the greatest months for most people, but it's the one month I could do without, the one month I wish never happened.
I've continued my life, with some of the most amazing memories, questions I wish I could've asked and stories.. my dad had the most awesome stories from his life, knowing that almost all of the stories were true, is what was so amazing, the only thing I hope for, is that in my life, I'll have some stories like he did, to tell..
the realization of him never coming back, was actually a year or two later.. I don't remember when it was, but I can remember it so well, it was one night while hanging out with Josh & Josh, we were in Wal-Mart and it just hit me and I felt so unreal in that moment.. I just couldn't believe that it hadn't hit me so hard since that morning.

Dad, I miss you, I love you, I'm pretty confused with life, I wish you were still here to help and go hiking, camping and all those fun things we used to do.
I can't wait to see you again, until then, I will wait, no matter how long it takes.
life hasn't been the same ever since, it's been missing the key part.
nobody deserves this, I would never wish something like this upon my enemy, sadly it's something that happens to some of the best people..

the one thing I learned from my father that I can relate to most, is that you have to enjoy life to the fullest, no matter what.
I believe that's one thing can do.

Until next time,
I'll be waiting for you,
wherever I am.