tensi
_/▀\_
18/100: And it's time I'll take, before I begin
three sheets to the wind, three sheets to the wind..
What is all this?
People, people why do we surround ourselves with them?
I don't know, it makes us feel good to some extent..
But why do they sometimes make us feel terrible?
We're such weird entities...
What is all this?
People, people why do we surround ourselves with them?
I don't know, it makes us feel good to some extent..
But why do they sometimes make us feel terrible?
We're such weird entities...
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16/100: Green eyes...
This picture is taken from a night I'll never forget..
I was driving in the most terrifying weather I've ever been in, to get to a Chiddy Bang, Donnis & XV concert in Nashville and the thing that kept my mind at ease, was when I told her I wanted to see her so bad and she said "me too"
I came here with a load,
I was driving in the most terrifying weather I've ever been in, to get to a Chiddy Bang, Donnis & XV concert in Nashville and the thing that kept my mind at ease, was when I told her I wanted to see her so bad and she said "me too"
I came here with a load,
And it feels so much lighter now I've met you,
An' honey you should know,
That I could never go on without you...
I never want to be mad at you ever again..
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15/100: Dream a little dream of me
I had a dream about her,
I asked her if she wanted to go to a concert with me,
I asked her if she wanted to go to a concert with me,
She said "yes" and so it was we were going to this concert.
somehow I don't see this actually working.
but might as well get a 'no' instead of a 'what if?'
but might as well get a 'no' instead of a 'what if?'
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14/100: I tried to make it better
with everything I know,
But everything works so much better when I just let go.
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13/100: I remember
I remember thinking you were the most beautiful person I would ever set my sights on, I remember when I thought you were the realist girl I would ever meet... I remember finding out I'm a complete fool
I still remember that night that I could have made a change.
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12/100: So I'm trying to live by this
We all live, we all die.
Tell everyone whatever you want,
If people don't agree with you, it's not the end of the world.
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11/100: Oh we used to dream now we worry about dying
I don't want to worry about dying,
I just want to worry about the sunshine giiiiirls.
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10/100: ReWind
Often times after a party, when everyone is going to sleep or I'm going to bed, I like to listen to music and for some reason I invision it as the ending to a movie...
I just wish I could archive all these amazing moments like a movie collection.
Oh well, it's fun while it lasts, yea to having bad memory..
also I've never really wanted to be a mean person, but I'm such a pushover that I'm seriously considering just being mean to people... for some reason they enjoy it, I DON'T UNDERSTAND PEOPLE!
I don't enjoy being mean, but I don't enjoy people using me wtf do I doooooo?
8/100: I just wanted to hold,
you in my arms..
would you tell a friend to lie?
I've thought about this recently, I honestly don't like the sound of it, but we so often tell friends to lie and we don't really think of it like that.
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7/100: Eye colour
I feel like I've been obsessed with eyes for a long time.
as homo-sapiens we're all a rather earthy tone and I find it fascinating that we have such varying, vibrant and beautiful eye colors, even brown as an earth-tone color in eyes is well.. eyǝ catching
I don't know how you view the eye, if it's just something we all have or if it's something really important to you, I guess I've been fascinated with them ever since I was little and I was baffled by the fact that we have vision from these little black circles, surrounded by colorful rings on our face.
What do you think?
I also feel like when I look somebody in the eyes, I see beyond their false personality.. I see something genuine, something real, that part of people that I truly love..
6/100: I'll never be the same
if we ever meet again,
I won't let you get away_
First: that previous post was a lie
I am prince charming (_)
you should look up to me (_)
you should expect good advice from me (_)
listen to what I have to say (_)
I don't drink my problems away (√) <- I just like to say stuff when I've been drinking.
Second: I've never really discussed this with my family but kind of talked to my brother about it, but it's interesting when a family member dies that you're close to, I imagine that it's the same with friends.
But I've had dreams of my dad ever since he passed away and some of them are really wonderful, while others are just down right depressing or at least they seem like it.
There have been some dreams where it's like a family vacation or everyday living, while there are others that I realize that he's supposed to be dead, but he's alive; there's also dreams where he's going to die, I had one dream where he had an exact time he was supposed to die..
I had a dream just the other night that we had bought and RV, it was ridiculous, hilarious and... I really wish I didn't wake up from that dream.
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5/100: Mr.Charming
I'm no Prince fucking Charming,
I'm not Mr.Look up to,
I'm not the guy you should expect to get good advice from,
don't listen to what I have to say
I just drink and dance my problems away.
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Face to Face. (a pleasant break)
What's going on?
Could this be my understanding
It's not your fault I was being too demanding
I must admit it's my pride that made me distant
All because I hoped that you'd be someone different
There's not much I know about you
Fear will always make you blind
But the answer is in clear view
It's amazing what you'll find face to face
I turned away because I thought you were the problem
Tried to forget until I hit the bottom
But when I faced you in my blank confusion
I realized you weren't wrong, it was a mere illusion
It really didn't make sense
Just to leave this unresolved
It's not hard to go the distance
when you finally get involved face to face
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4/100: Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel?
next day air... and yet, I wait here with the small excite of the sound of each large automobile that drives by..
but now it's 6pm and I'm feeling like it's not fair..
So I'm wondering when I'll get my phone, it should have come today, but it's not here.
It seems to be confirming my theory of 'Everything I look forward to goes completely wrong' and 'When I have low or no expectations everything seems to be more fun'
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but seriously every time I look forward to something it doesn't happen and when I'm indifferent as to the outcome or execution of something happening, well it usually ends up happening or being really good. I don't understand it at all.
Oh well, I was thinking about that and how selfish most of us truly are with that being my opening example.
I find it interesting that we're all so hung-up on ourselves, sure we're thrown signals that only buying things will make us happy, but how often do you buy something and you're left with the memories of buying that and owning it?
We love when people talk about us and we love hearing our name mentioned(well, if it's good). I don't know about you, but I've done this many times, I'll be reading something online from a friend and I get this feeling that they're talking about me and I want to believe it's not and I try to make myself believe it, but there's this part of me that's never sure.
but what makes you happiest of all?
is it really spending time alone, praising yourself and giving yourself applause?
is it laughing at jokes you tell yourself?
is it that time you went cliff jumping with a bunch of friends?
the time you biked all over your city, even though you and your friends could have driven?
to me, it's not those first 2 options, because honestly I can't even remember doing those, I'm sure I have because we're only human, but I can recall so many events with friends.
I guess what I'm getting at is that we're so caught up in wanting to be the best of something, which is when we forget what is truly happiness.
If you had the option living on a deserted island with a friend or 3 things you've most wanted, which do you think would make living on this island more fun?
I could honestly talk about this for the next hour or so, but I'll stop here, I think I've made my point..
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3/100: meaning and love...
I've been without a facebook for over a week..
I've been without a phone for over a week..the decision to get rid of both of those was a terrible idea, it started off weird, got good and now I can barely tolerate this, I can do without the Facebook account, but I have no contact with local friends except @Twitter... somewhat
I'm like legitimately sad, yet when I see my friends it's so much more meaningful, that and the fact that I honestly thought I might bleed to death on Wednesday morning (Overdramatic? sure, but when you lose bodily control, sight and almost hearing, you'd probably think the same)
I don't think I've ever told my friends that I love them so many times, but I did before my stupid accident and after, somehow I've grasped the true feeling of being disconnected from friendship, love and care..
Hopefully upon receiving my new phone I won't lose what it means to be friends, to love someone no matter what stupid things they do... in fact, the best friends are the ones who screw up, yet you still forgive and they do the same for you.
love doesn't come problem free and that's what gives friendships so much meaning.
you might not think you "love" your friends and that might just be you or it might be due to societies physical worldly "love".
even if you don't feel comfortable saying it, being friends and having compassion for others is probably the closest thing to true love you'll ever experience...
2&½/100: my skinless distal phalanx(picture...
Just a fair warning, these aren't the prettiest pictures, but definitely not that disturbing (in my opinion at least)
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2/100: I'm your... shoulder lean upon
So... it snowed a lot this past week...
so... I deleted my Facebook
so... I broke my phone
so... I cut off most of the skin on my distal phalanx of my right middle finger.... if you're wondering what that is, it's the last bone in your finger.
I would take a picture, but I feel like it's a bit gruesome and nasty looking for some people.
story time!
Wednesday morning around 2am I was about to shower and go to bed, Buuuut my brother and friend came over and wanted to go sledding, so I gave in.. we started in our neighborhood, ventured off walking to a friends apartment, then on to more sledding, we stopped at a grassy(covered in snow) median on the nearest main road to build a snowman and other things and I got bored and the roads were pretty well iced over, so I see a hubcap in the middle of the road...
I decide to start throwing said hubcap like a frisbee...
it worked REALLY well, for a while, until my brother and friend were finally ready to head out and find more sledding spots, I give this lovely frisbee of mine a nice last toss (as hard as I can) and I feel my middle finger just kind of turn... I immediately knew something wasn't right, I pull off my glove and see nothing but blood and what I presumed to be a bone... we walk to the gas station and I bleed a lot more and eventually my vision goes white, but I came back to.
in short I'm missing pretty much all the skin on the right side of my distal phalanx and
NEVER THROW A HUBCAP
like a frisbee(or at all)....
it's fun, looks like fun and sounds like a great idea... but so does robbing a bank,
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1/100: It's like a story...
I'm reading a book and it hits me... I've been living my life in retrospect, hindsight... disbelief and reliving the moments I hope I never have to live again. looking toward letdowns and letting my hopes and dreams "predict" my future and when they fell apart I was crushed.
I can continue to live in this recycling memory process, and I know I will, but I can add more memories..
When did life stop? when was it that I couldn't start making new memories and new mistakes?
why is it that just because I thought I had been punched in the stomach enough that I should give up?
as far as I can tell my life is just starting and I have a whole canvas to paint, I have an empty book with at least 20,000 pages and a photo album to fill with pictures.
So I've had my hits and misses, so I've lost a majority of my family, so I've missed 5 years of school, so I've fallen in love with more people than most can say because most people are afraid of falling in love, but the only reason I've been hurt so much is because I've given my heart to so many people, people I care about and want to continue to have in my life.
If I give in now, what is there to be said?
______________________________________________
red, red glowing... piercing my eyes...
this white sheet, reflecting the blood red sky this monday morning..
this red glowing snow, what a beautiful sight.
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