_/▀\_

I think I come here to rant and talk because anytime I try to elsewhere I tend to give the wrong impression and constantly get the wrong response..

I'm not here for pity or any of that shit, I'm just here to speak my mind.



'I hope the last time I see you, you'll be trying to pry open the lid and it won't budge and if it does all I can see is your fingers'<<that was the best part of you.

oh oh, I just want to have fun.

I feel like lately I've just been looking back at a fun life I once had...
As if I were a moderator/spectator just looking at life.. I need to start doing fun things again.

who's up for some fun!!?

I feel like lately I've been a downright no good, stupid jerkface to people.

it seems as if I've been analyzing my friends a lot lately, which is stupid. I've never let small things bother me... but when I bring it up in conversation it seems like something waaay bigger than I think it is.

I think from this point on I'm going to keep my mouth shut!

I'll hardly ever understand mainstream music or why kids listen to it.
I'll never understand what about it makes people want to do what they do.

They hardly understand why I listen to and/or play the music I do.
They never understand why it makes me wanna get up and dance.



there, I've said it, I completely understand it's an opinion and what's "popular" type thing.
I just wanted to DJ a set that people enjoyed, some people did, which makes me happy...

I kind of wish I never was so free thinking, I wish that I was so oblivious and blind.
I wish that rap music entertained me, I wish that I had no personality... I wish I was serious.

I'm so tired of being an individual, that's one thing I can seriously say..
I'm tired of people lying to me, I'm tired of people not wanting to hurt my feelings.

There's a girl somewhere out there for me... but I can't accept that it will be forever before I find her, I truly hate the loneliness, but I don't want to be with someone I don't like.

I feel like I was a complete ass to all my friends tonight, but it was only me being tired and frustrated.. I've never wanted to be so badly rejected for one of the things I love most.

thanks for reading.. I have work in the tomorrow..
I hope you are doing so well, if you are or if you're not, let's talk.
I want to rhyme that with walk
qpdbqpdbqp
til next time, pleasant journeys!

I don't know how many people actually use music visualizers.. like, just sit and watch them.

I know that personally every once in a while I just like to set up a playlist and sit back watching a music visualizer. it's pretty relaxing, though I could see a lot of people finding it quite ridiculous.

Ambient music or most anything electronic works pretty well. I'd recommend doing this if you ever get a chance, have some spare time, need to think things out or just want to try it.

hope all is well in the world.
dddd//-

just because my mom has a bad day mentally, doesn't mean she has to be a bitch everyday.

I bust my ass almost everyday, physically and mentally, I do a ton of different types of physical and mental strain, but I don't bitch at everyone else for it.


I'm getting sick and tired of this, this so fucking familiar thing I've come to know as everyday life, I every once in a while feel a somewhat "normal" sense of life, but lately it's just looking forward to fun events and pushing aside all the bitching and constant hassle.
I've done some bad things, but I don't think I've done so much as to deserve this.


I need to get the fuck out of Tennessee.
I hate my life...

....I just can't wait to go outside

So I've been working like crazy lately and Monday my register came out $200 short, which to this day I'm still trying to figure out. but in the end, it might just fall on me, I've been told that I won't be fired because they know I didn't steal it. but still I really just want to know where it ended up? I know I didn't accidentally hand someone $200 in change.

but that's been kinda weighing on my mind, keeping me a bit uneasy.

Halloween is approaching and I'm getting ready for my party next Saturday, I'll post pics and videos if I manage to take any. but I'm really excited, dressing up and everything Halloween related just fascinates me!

Lovvve,
Jason Der Vegetarrriar.

Girls, Guys, friends...

So it's been a while since my last update and this is going to be somewhat identical to a previous post (subject is also identical to another post)

I can quite honestly say, that I don't know what a relationship feels like, I can't say that I've ever really felt the need for one, wanted one, yes.. but never actually felt so greatly toward someone that I was like "wow, I really like this person, we're going to date" (yeah, amusing)
why? I have no clue, I've liked people, people have liked me, I've disliked people and people have returned the feelings.

fffriends, have always given me so much joy and happiness, that I feel that's one reason I don't really feel the need or want for anyone in particular. I just enjoy people so much!
I like having fun with friends and just being around them, hell even helping people out with problems or just doing nothing has brought me joy.

there are some people in particular that I like.. but I don't have any intentions of anything. I enjoy hugging and being with people, at this point I don't really want anything more.
So giving people fun or making people happy has always made me happy, I couldn't care less about owning expensive cars, housing and whatnot.

I apologize to anyone who has or does like me and I do not return the feelings.. I just don't meet the requirements of the everyday person.

I feel like a lot of the time I do a bad job of being a friend, but repeatedly people prove me wrong, though I still believe it.

My life goal, is to have as much fun with friends as possible and do what I can for other people.
mhmmm

LB&B,
JasonDerVegggetariar.

even after years and years of knowing people, I feel like I'm a terrible friend... it's just that every response I feel like I could have said something better.

plus I barely ever contact people... blehhhhhhhh



does anyone even read this?
if so, my apologies. checkout this neat band called Bowerbirds on a neat website called The Hype Machine.

much love dear children,
JaDV

was so spread out.. ridiculously boring at times.. but in the end, was probably the greatest thing I could have ever asked for.

I've come to a realization that life will always be like this, so unexpected, random, fun and hard.. at times unbearable. it won't ever be a perfect horizontal line, there will always be the ups and downs.

I'm pursuing God, hoping and praying that this will go well and I won't once again fall into unknowing, though it doesn't make everything perfect and easy, it's just a part of me that has never faded away. I feel like his spark finally ignited.
as far as my life goes, music and friends are still my core, plus new friends and music.. so wonderful!
I'm also expanding friendships, opening up & learning more about old friends. I've found a new love in film cameras, no I'm not a "photographer", I just enjoy it!

I'm realizing that I don't know what I want to do in life and that it's completely fine.
While also wanting to be a part of the world and help out, I want to start donating to charities and helping out in the community after I become a legal adult. (because it will be much easier)

Mindsay people, internet world and friends, I hope all is well with you.

Love, Blood & Bones,
Jason Der Vegetariar.

I went to a party recently, that I assumed would be moderately fun or just a complete flop...

I had kind of anticipated playing some music at it as well, so I had about a 45minute mix that got cut short before it even started. Preppy Theater Farragut kids that have a "Rave", First of all, don't know how to have a Rave, sure raves usually consist of a few throw backs to 1999-2004, but when your entire party consists of three artists that have been around since then, it's officially old news.
Second, I've never really gotten along with people my own age... I'm not into that whole "Drama" creating process or following a trend, which is what seems to be popular in High School, which makes me glad I don't go to Public School(it's stupid as hell and everybody is fake as hell, plus it's a legal child prison)
Third... new music is necessary.. old music... gets old.. PLEASE LEARN HOW TO FIND NEW MUSIC THAT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE THE SAME THING WE JUST LISTENED TO... and when you host a party with CDs make sure not to repeat 4 songs like 6 times.. it gets stale and annoying.

bottom line, I'm never listening to people who fall in my Second reason for NEVER attending a party. I'll stick to parties that involve friends I enjoy.

and that was the saddest excuse of a rave, please... never call your party a rave, unless it falls under the actual category of a... rave, obviously. congratulations if you beat me to that

I have so many things to be thankful for... but I'm feeling as of lately that I'm not really using any of it.


I'm supposed to be the Bass Section Leader in my choir and I can't seem to find a good state of mind or pitch for that matter, recently I've been finding myself waiting for the other basses to sing so I can find my pitch or try to hit it. Which is terrible, because earlier this semester I was hitting almost everything with no problem.. I feel like I'm not dedicated enough or not giving it my all.

So from this point on, I'm giving it my all or walking away.
Even though I always talk about liking people and hating love.. I truly love, loving.
but women will be the death of me.
plus suicide, it's back on my mind... pretty crazy stuff, I guess I just need to talk to somebody about life.


I had to explain why I'm so ridiculous and happy when around people.. it's one of those "In the moment" things, I feel like because I only have one life, I might as well have as much fun as possible.. but I was not explaining it for myself, but for someone I know who I believe has the same outlook on life, because he's also been talking about suicide lately.. I just feel that while I am alive, that I should have as much fun as possible, but yet, there's not much of a point to live if I'm just going to die anyways, I mean, honestly I'll be gone forever... so what I do now, won't help me later.


overall, I feel like shit and want to be able to move on, without feeling useless.

Love, Blood & Bones..
Jason Der Vegetariar

As far as I can remember, my first best friend was a girl and second, because there really were not many kids in my neighborhood my age, so I was friends with the few I could be and could tolerate.

Which kind of explains why I tend to make more female friends and is probably the same reason I'm not huge on finding a girlfriend, because I assume one day I'll meet somebody that will be very special to me. All of my friends are very important to me, because they're what keep me moving and though I've liked some of them, I believe some of them think I may be leading them on because of how open, talkative and I'm a very hugging person I tend to hug all of my friends, guys and girls.

I love you all very much, some of you I've even said this to before and most of you know it's the love of a family and not me being really awkward(given that I have done it in an awkward way before).
I don't really know where I'm going with this at all... but, I enjoy my friends and I guess I'm just trying to say, "Don't freak out!" because I love life and people.


Love, blood & bones,
Jason.

and just to get down...

almost every night now I go to sleep, thinking about death and afterlife.
I mean they go hand-in-hand, if you believe in an afterlife.. which I really just don't know if I do, I believe it's possible, but if not, I'm still trying to figure out the point in living..

all I know, is music has been my only safety net.. the one thing that has kept me running, even during some of the worst times it's helped or at least temporarily helped me get through it.
I hope I never get tired of music, because that might be the end of my life support.
BB
LOVE
ON
OE
DS

because whenever I do good, I get screwed over..
whenever I do bad, I get screwed over..


I have no choice but to get hell either way.

I hate my life..
I hope everyone else is doing well

she's 5'10, got lovin' like it's a sin.
obeys her parents and loves the world,
got good intentions and never means to cause harm,
continue respecting like you should and she'll squeeze you in her arms.

what a beautiful smile, such adorable charm, she'll make your heart shine for miles beyond.
giving me hope, belief and great friendship.
what else could I ask for?

sadly not last weekend, but whatever..

I hate myself
every time I say I won't, I do..


maybe this weekend?

L<3ve
Jason, Der Vegetariar.

We must live in a world of free thinking religion, a world able to think for themselves and do as they want.

God told us all men would sin, we did and we still do, God told us what to do and we obey, God predicted what we would do and we do..
So how can we be convicted for a prediction?
We're only doing what we were expected to, which means we should do not what we are told, but to think for ourselves and do what is right.

We can't be so close minded and unable to think, we were built to think and live freely.

So as I leave you with that, some of the most simple words to be said, I want you to think, think for yourself and question yourself if you're comfortable with it, try and understand what you're doing and why you do it, figure out what you're believing or doing, don't just believe it because thousands of people do and last of all have a good life.

Jason Der Vegetariar